Breaking the Cycle of Abuse
By Rick Postma
Fear . . . always present, dominating, dark, oppressive. Don’t attract attention. Never complain. Tiptoe. Hide when that man attacks mom. Stifle sobs. Scramble to obey. Clench teeth to keep from crying out when he hurts me. But the nights . . . they are the worst of all.
For thousands of children in Colombia and many other places, the above sketch is a living reality, a seemingly endless nightmare.
Imagine yourself in their shoes. Try walking in them.
The statistics are chilling: in a country of 43 million people, seven boys and girls are murdered each day; two million are abused each year, with one million of those suffering severe consequences. More than 70 percent of all sexual abuse cases involve a child. In 78 percent of the cases involving children, the aggressor was a father or step-father. There are an estimated 30,000 children involved in the sex trade.
Studies indicate that abused children are highly likely to take on the role of abuser when they become adults. Sin gives birth to sin. How can this vicious cycle be broken?
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The ride to the Girls’ Home in Tenjo is beautiful. Bernie Pennings and I, together with a translator and two guards, leave behind the hustle and bustle of Bogotá and enter a lush countryside. The sky is blue and the green mountains stand out in bold relief all around us. It is hard to believe that this is a violent country – everything looks so beautiful and peaceful. But we can’t daydream – we are expected for lunch and we are late.
The home for abused girls is set in beautiful surroundings and occupies five acres or so. We drive through the gates, check in with the security guard, and are welcomed enthusiastically by the 60 girls who have been given refuge here. They clap as we walk between two rows of them. Then they do a very nice presentation in which different girls take turns leading—a welcome message, Bible reading, and a number of songs. We address the girls and apologize for being late. We congratulate them on a fine presentation and then tell them a little about what it is like to live in Canada.
Lunch is tasty, and in the afternoon, we have a tour of the grounds. The buildings are simple yet elegant. They are built around a courtyard (flower garden) with outdoor hallways protected by overhangs. The outdoor hallways provide access to the many rooms, as well as the courtyard. The large bedrooms house 15 girls each and each room has a “mother” sleeping in a slightly separate part of the room. Between each room is a large bathroom. Books and toys fill a large playroom. Staff members include teachers, counsellors, cooks, a maintenance worker, and security.
Outside, there is a delightful assortment of animals and gardens. There are rabbits, goats, chickens, and even cows (two are pregnant, we are told). There is lots of room to play.
Our hearts are captured by these beautiful children. The girls follow us around, and several try to hold my hands at the same time. They are clearly looking for attention and affection. But behind each smile is a tragic story. How could anyone hurt these girls? May God have mercy on those who sinned against them.
A group of them teach me the Spanish names for everything we look at and then have a good time trying to correct my pronunciation. Maria, about 8 years old, stands out. She clings to one hand and won’t let anyone else cut in on her. She patiently pronounces each word in Spanish for me while studying my face and showing me exactly how form the new sounds with my mouth. I play keep away, soccer, and chase with the girls while Bernie speaks with the teachers. Kicking the ball high in the air is a big hit. We quickly grow both warm and tired and I learn two appropriate words—caliente (hot) and dormi (sleep).
Both Bernie and I are very impressed with the behaviour of the children. They are obedient, kind to one another, and very warm to visitors. What an amazing achievement, considering where they have come from. We are told, however, that most children experience ongoing nightmares and emotional trauma due to past abuse. Staff members also work with the families in the hope that the girls can be placed back in their homes (in the absence of the abuser). May God richly bless all that is being done to help them.
These precious girls are literally being saved from the gutter. Here, in a small way, the vicious cycle of abuse and fear is being broken. Here the girls hear about the Lord Jesus Christ, who was physically and emotionally abused for sinners. He can give them hope once again.
The sun is close to setting, and we have to leave, since it is unsafe to drive in the dark. Once more we enjoy the wonderful countryside on our way home. The contrast between the peaceful countryside surrounding us and the nightmares of abuse suffered by every little girl we left behind is stark. Thank God that those nightmares are being overcome through the ministry of the Girl’s Home and the power of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Rick Postma is director of public relations, mission teams and projects in Guatemala for Word & Deed in St. Thomas, Ontario.
